Firstly, congratulations to Benjamin Boukpeti, bronze medallist in the men's K1 slalom and Togo's first-ever Olympic medallist. A quick mention of The Phelp of Phelps' third gold medal of Beijing 2008, and his ninth ever, and Leisel Jones' win in the 100 breaststroke, thereby enabling Australia to stay level with the aforementioned Senor Phelps in this year's gold count. Now to more important matters hanging over from last Friday.

Zhang Yimou fudged the opening ceremony. He used special effects. Are you shocked?